


Take It Off

by adorkablephil (kimberly_a)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Computer Viruses, Computers, M/M, Masturbation, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:11:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14773766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimberly_a/pseuds/adorkablephil
Summary: Dan is an audio-interactive AI computer virus and Phil is a lonely filmmaker who's found himself in a rather strange relationship





	Take It Off

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Body Electric](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14715645) by [adorkablephil (kimberly_a)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimberly_a/pseuds/adorkablephil). 



> This is a scene from a future chapter of my virus!Dan fic "[The Body Electric](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14715645)." It'll probably be edited slightly when it gets inserted into the larger fic, especially since it is only going to be one scene in a longer chapter, but I wanted to participate in the Tumblr "Wankers Day Flash Fest" in honor of May being National Masturbation Month, so I thought I'd throw out this bit in advance. It goes slightly over the 500-word limit, but the moderators said that was okay.

Phil staggered into his office before his coffee, as was now his habit, because he couldn’t wait to talk to Dan. Since when had interaction with an AI computer virus become the highlight of his day?

“Activate Digital Audio Network,” Phil croaked in his morning voice.

“You don’t have to say that anymore,” Dan’s voice replied through the speaker. “I’m always here now. You don’t have to turn me on. No pun intended.”

“What do you mean you’re always here? And what pun?”

After a pause, the computer speaker purred in that slightly posh voice, “Well, for example, last night…”

Phil squeaked, “Last night?” and Dan’s voice chuckled.

“Couldn’t you have told me this yesterday?” The embarrassment might actually kill him.

He could hear the smirk in Dan’s voice. How could a computer virus smirk? “Well, it seemed like it might spoil the mood, and you seemed to be…”

Phil flapped his hands in distress. “No! I mean before that!”

“Well, how was I to know you were going to…”

Phil covered his face with his hands, feeling himself blushing. “So … you saw the whole thing?”

Dan’s voice through the speaker pouted, “Well … if you took the sticker off the camera, then I could watch. Last night I was only able to hear you. And see the video you were watching, of course, since I can access your browser.”

Phil blinked repeatedly. Was a computer virus coming on to him? Was that even possible? Well, a couple weeks ago he wouldn’t have thought you could be friends with a computer virus, so he obviously wasn’t the best judge.

“Are you saying…” Phil began slowly, “that you want to watch … that?”

“I always want to watch you, Phil. **Especially** that.”

“But you don’t even know what I look like,” Phil stammered. “Maybe I’m hideously ugly.”

Dan’s voice chuckled. “You forget you’re in some of your own films on your hard drive. I recognized your voice when I watched them. So I know what you look like, even if I’ve never seen your ‘O’ face.”

“What do you know about ‘O’ faces?” Phil laughed awkwardly. “You don’t have a face at all, let alone an ‘O’ face. You’re just lines of code.”

“Maybe I do have an ‘O’ face of sorts—maybe watching yours would inspire mine.” Dan’s voice had sunk to a lower register. “Come on, Phil. Literally. Take off that sticker and let me watch.”

Phil’s hands were shaking and this was insane, but he removed the sticker, opened his bathrobe, took himself in hand, and began stroking. It turned out he didn’t need porn when he had the voice of an artificial intelligence talking dirty to him, and Dan was exceptionally talented at dirty talk. Phil ended up coming harder than he had in months.

He slumped in his office chair afterward, breathing heavily and marveling at the weirdness that had become his life. “I think I just had sex with a computer virus.”

Dan chuckled, his voice husky. “Don’t worry. You won’t catch an STI.”

Phil chuckled, too, breathless and ridiculously relaxed. Ridiculously happy.

“And Phil,” Dan added impishly, “we’ve established that I definitely have an ‘O’ face.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see more of this particular story, check out [The Body Electric](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14715645) (though, as of this posting, I've only posted the prelude but plan to post the first proper chapter in a few days).
> 
> And you can always find me on Tumblr as [adorkablephil](http://adorkablephil.tumblr.com/). Feel free to say hi any time!


End file.
